Category Archives: other

Yo Momma’s So Stupid

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She think Airborne help her beat a cold.

She finish her ABC’s with “Now I know my EJZ.”

When other people say, “I understand” she says, “I don’t get it.”

Her IQ be like, in the single digits.

She thinks impoverished means chic.

One time I saw her counting on her fingers.

She been bullied her entire life.

Even air molecules be like, “dis bitch dumb.”

Her dog is the one that tells her to sit.

When people ask her to, “you know, meet me halfway,” she be like, “you mean divided by two?”

Her top score on Jeopardy was negative $1 trillion dollars.

She flunked outta high-school in 1st grade.

She invested in bitcoin…at any time in history.

Smiling not only came easy to her, afterwards it moved in permanently.

During the Great Depression she brushed off this horrific time in history with the words, “Well, you win some and you lose some.”

After eating an entire rotten egg was heard to have said, “God damn, that was good.”

Yo Momma’s So Aimless

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She went to the store to get some milk but she came home with happiness.

When she had some things to do, she decided that not doing them was just as well.

She can’t much walk in a straight line.

People never mistake her for someone who gives a darn.

Instead of not just sitting there, but doing something, she just sits there.

One time she did exactly what she wanted to do with the rest of her life.

She laughs off all her hard-won wisdom as nothing more than the well-intentioned yet hopelessly distorted mental formations that they are.

She looks upon her otherwise horrific situation of estrangement with the spacious eyes of loving compassion.

When confronted with the question of her own mortality was heard to have said, “Yo, breathing in, I see myself as space, breathing out, I am free.”

Yo Momma’s So Angry

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Even Zeus tell her to lighten up once in awhile.

When she finally told her story at a Rage-a-Holics Anonymous meeting, a team of surgeons and contractors had to be called in, being careful to remove all the jaws off the floor in a way that saved the lives of the people as well as the integrity of the concrete.

All the children in the house watch her every move, hoping and praying she won’t go off.

Her face look like a bomb ready to explode, and she’s not very beautiful at all.

Being so upset all the time didn’t leave much room for the good times.

Upon hearing about the success of the “Angry Birds” franchise, she vowed revenge, and with painstaking detail went about the hard work of publishing her life’s story, “A Woman’s Wrath, Too Mad to Love” alternately translated from the original Italian as “Testy Betsy, the Angriest Mother Alive.”

Yo Momma’s So Holy (Spoken Word)

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After hearing her confession, Father Jim whispered under his breath, “God damn, I’ve got my work cut out for me.”

When it came time to atone for her sins, she simply went on being a perfect little angel.

After drinking from the fountain of life, all the water drained out of her like an atmospheric river over Santa Cruz County.

When they couldn’t find an old priest or a young priest for an exorcism, she was sworn in on the spot by the Catholic church as their collective replacement, even though she was a woman.

During the Reformation she never took sides.

Exercising for her is a real no-no, because who in their right mind would want to sweat out 70% of their body weight after a single jumping-jack?

When a bunch of street toughs descended on her with toothpicks, all they could do was jab aimlessly with no point in sight.

Yo Momma’s So Nice

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She even gave a compliment to a sociopath.

In due time, good things came to her.

When evil dudes look at her, they just go, nah.

Sometimes she smiles to cover up her sadness.

When it came time to donate household goods, she donated her entire house.

Evil geniuses are just plain stumped, yeah stumped.

She even let an orphan adopt her.

She look like a sucker about to get hustled.

Chores, drudgery, and bad news are just like breathing to her.

When the taxman collects, she always tips.

Her biggest ambition in life is making everybody happy.

She’s always the one to eat the half eaten apples and moldy cheese.

One time she even saved the life of an axe murderer.

Every word she utters is a miracle.

She finished last, but she still felt like a champion.

On the Shaming of the Astros

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Sitting at a blackjack table inside the Chumash Casino, Alex realized by winning his next hand he could pay for a semester of his son’s tuition. He was up, way up, the perfect time to walk away. But ever since injury ended his career in 2020 he was cursed with the urge to win at all costs. He went all in, doubling down on a seven. The dealer pulled a ten of spades and a five of clubs. Alex went bust.

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six through eleven – jambles on the downside

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HAWO Nest (2)

Unless you have the recall of a Reese’s monkey pre-lobotomy, don’t expect to keep up with the narrative defenestrations – six through eleven. Yep, it’s enough to take the ride down to the concrete but with so many attractions whizzing by – this binge audience just ain’t used to – Baby, how do we remember, let alone keep up?

Technique Uno – Soy fantástico

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Parts 3 & 4: MF is a Person 2

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Hartwig's Iris (2)

Parts 3 and 4 – Everybody blew their load all over Wally Brando before giving the ugly folks a chance to get off. Let’s piss ourselves over how funny it was, agreed, but to then jump on some theoretical bandwagon about how it’s this and that about nostalgia and a replica of an unconventional and historically poo pooed artist both fooling and appeasing his benefactors idealized projections – is just a bunch of horseshit. It was just funny. Period. You know how when somebody explains why a joke is funny and in so doing sucks all the life out of it. It’s kinda like that. To continue, it was a huge risk and huge payoff, but why wouldn’t they think they could pull off a left – of left field – move – in a world of time bending revolutions? I think the big surprise is how gleefully surprised we were. It’s like, can’t the sad man get some too?

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