After hearing her confession, Father Jim whispered under his breath, “God damn, I’ve got my work cut out for me.”

When it came time to atone for her sins, she simply went on being a perfect little angel.

After drinking from the fountain of life, all the water drained out of her like an atmospheric river over Santa Cruz County.

When they couldn’t find an old priest or a young priest for an exorcism, she was sworn in on the spot by the Catholic church as their collective replacement, even though she was a woman.

During the Reformation she never took sides.

Exercising for her is a real no-no, because who in their right mind would want to sweat out 70% of their body weight after a single jumping-jack?

When a bunch of street toughs descended on her with toothpicks, all they could do was jab aimlessly with no point in sight.