What if that one Replacements fan was every Replacements fan ever
And he lived on a farm with a wild turkey and some parents too
He grew a beard to avoid using adverbs
And one time his weirdo teacher said he liked them too
So he made him a mixtape with Tim and Pleased to Meet Me as well

What if they dismiss Black Flag with a backhanded wave
Sitting in a semi-circle with fifteen fanzine editors
Glasses square yet foggy yet still not enough
That one time at a concert she played pinball with Bob
When she tried to jump onstage Paul kicked her in the head

How would you feel if Tom Arnold was your hugest celebrity fan
And one day he filled you in on all the backstage gossip of Carpool
And how that kid tried to stop dressing like a punk
By keeping his zipper down to prove the latest fad
Was only for Minnesota boys to lampoon and accept

Is it enough to nurture a severe crush on your favorite band
Or tell us how much you really like them
Or how much they improve your self-esteem
Or should you be ready to put up a fight
About being replaced by Tango in the Night